I can only be a whore so many days outta the week.
Samesies
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
i took my goldfish out of his bowl last night and put him in my bed
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
The doctor asked me what height I fell from to hurt my back.. I answered keg height
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I think you have the right to know, the water bottle you drank out of the other night is the bottle we use to catch what drips from the toilet. Love you!
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
I'm sorry about the spring break comment. I won't make anymore pornos, I promise.
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
