It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I had to drink a couple beers this morning so I could attend the keg race. Hangover had to dissipate or it wasn't happening.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Good night I hope you dream about knitting and threesomes
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Randomize
