I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Okay, just a casual question: how did i manage to get grass stains on the inside of my bra?
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I had sex with her like 200 times, and she was only pregnant once, those are pretty good statistics.
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
