I'm in a strip club that reminds me of a crack house from the 80's.
you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
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