Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Very nice. It looks like a Fisher-Price My First Dildo, but still very nice.
you woke me up at 7 am banging on my wall.. what the hell
thats the international knock for joint time
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Found plan b box covered with blood. In kitchen sick. Pickle jar is empty. Wtf happened?
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
And what in gods fuck were you drinking. It tasted like windex with a mixture of juce
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
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