Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
Why can't burritos get me drunk
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
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