i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
Please, take the 2 shots of vodka that I left as an apologie.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
at crossfit today a guy shit his pants while deadlifting 405 lbs. coach made fun of him then congratulated him on his new personal record.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
