if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
She just got on the scale. frowned, got off and took off her pants and then got back on
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
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