I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
Apparently love is stronger than SoCo
i looked down and was like "oh shit thats blood" then it was like "shit, thats not my blood." then it was like whos blood is this??
The sad thing was my husband told her its ok to make out with me. Bar Tuesdays will live on regardless.
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
As soon as we had sex he stopped opening doors for me. That wasn't an exchange. Im still a god damn princess
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
