If I die and they 'assume' it's natural causes, just go with it.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
So I got my junk pierced since we've fucked. You should get in on this.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
Randomize
