Incredible sex, Maddow, more sex, spoon, sex again
Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I just projectile vomited in a Methodist church parking lot. If Jesus didn't love me before he sure as hell doesn't now.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
I've started making all these amazing things...like bananas rolled in doritos..bandritos.
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
New vibrator arrived today.
How was it?
Who are these wee mortals we call men?
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
