dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
no i had to finish in the bathroom to a pic of her mom in a bikini.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
