the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
we dropped acid in chinatown. worst. idea. ever. too many colors. and nobody has any idea where steve is.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
