I would have done the walk of shame but I couldnt walk
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Just took my morning after pill in the library
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
I don't know. I woke up in the back of a cab in a drive thru line at whataburger with police lights flashing and my friend yelling" you didn't have to sell us out phil!" to the cab driver.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
It will be too late. I will have fornicated with the enemy by then.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
