i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize