So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
So I used the "I've never cummed from a BJ before" line last night.
And that worked?
9 for 9! Not only does it give them a goal but they have a sense of accomplishment afterwards.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Randomize
