I swear she didn't look like that last week.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
I woke up under a table, with a huge Mexican sombrero, a box of 120 doughnuts and a bloody nose. It all screams success.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I wish so many great beards were not attached to even greater jerks. All that face sitting potential wasted. Some of the greatest tragedies of this century.
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
Randomize
