do you know mcdonalds refuses to give out large cups of water now? you have to buy a bottle or they give you a small cup. No exceptions.
RUDE.
I said FINE, then I'd like 7 small waters and 2 of those nifty carrying cases to carry about my h2o.
outsmarted mickey deeeees
So drunk its hurt
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
She actually pushed her roomie out of the way and said 'You already fucked him it's my turn!'
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
How do I un-spend everything I bought last night? Seriously...was a penis shaped piñata and enough tequila to fill my bathtub really that necessary?
At least you can say you've literally dumped money down the drain
Randomize
