I didn't think I could chip a tooth while giving a blowjob until I met him.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I didn't even realize I grinded on a security guard last night. Shit. Did he at least like it?
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize
