very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
Whoa, I am aware of WAY too many squirrels right now...
I live vicariously through you. No one mistakes me for a hooker anymore. I look like a stay at home mom of three. On bad days of four.
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I got home at 1 am on a weeknight with lube in my hair. I'd say it was a successful first date.
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
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