i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
My stuff that was at your place last night smells like doughnuts. I'm not even mad.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Randomize
