i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
Omg alex and i were cooking weiners on a campfire and a bear came and i am waayyy too high for this
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
