Three words: puerto rican gang bang
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
He's high as balls tripping balls and doing a reenactment of the scene where Buzz jumps off the balcony and can't fly to his soundtrack of Toy Story.
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
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