He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I send him pictures of my tits whenever I feel like he's paying too much attention to his girlfriend.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm in the smoking section between a transvestite molly dealer and a group of juggalos. I shouldn't be that hard to find.
Randomize
