I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
