I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
So he told me he didn't have a condom, paused, and then said "so, pulling out" and tried to high five me.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
K, so let's go ahead and say that mcnugget and margarita Tuesday was a bad idea
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
