my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
There is a newly found video on my phone of me following you to the bathroom to watch you throw up. sorry I didn't hold your hair
There's a creepy homeless guy with no hand trying to get up on our tacobell order
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
Ended up at the strip club, got told I should be a dancer 4 times, got free tacos and my hot TA slide in the dms. How was your night?
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
