shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
my penis says it needs to be in something. my phonebook says its you
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
You cried for a while then lifted lots of weights then cady's ex put glitter on your tits and then you took a nap. I got you pizza and brought you home. Nothing too exciting.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
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