did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Randomize
