i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
Randomize
