Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
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