Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Is it bad to get into the ocean at night? i always thought sharks hated the smell of vomit after drinking
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
When we get drunk one of us ends up running off and fucking someone in an inappropriate place, like the roof of the restaurant, or Greece, while the other convinces people not to worry and not to go looking. That good sir is a real mother fucking friendship.
Thats what I'm talking about
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
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