Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
Why am I a bad person? You were the one trying to get people to eat tape.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
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