so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
He answered his phone while he was eating me out and proceeded to yell at his wife for interrupting lunch...impressed or rock bottom?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
watching spice world high feels so wrong yet so right
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
Randomize
