So would u like to explain why you ate all my pickels and took my 1800?
About that, i have your 1800 on my desk with intentions of returning it but theres nothing i can do about the pickels
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
I passed out on the floor of a truck stop. Drinking binge 2011 is now over.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Girl in front of me just swan dove into the middle of the carpeted hallway, stood up, clapped for herself, and then continued walking. My life is complete.
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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