Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
Randomize
