super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
He practically cut off his thumb and she offered him a tampon to stop the bleeding
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
Im crossing my legs while on the toilet. It's like I'm unconsciously thinking "if im going to barf and shit at the same time, Im at least going to do it LIKE A LADY"
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
How does it feel to date your dad?
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Randomize