This is not my ceiling
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
Did I mention I should never take 5 Xanax and drink?
I sort of figured that out when I found you sitting on the roof of your house saying we could get in through the skylight while I called the locksmith.
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Had to admit my broken elbow was caused by vodka, not hockey
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