A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
i woke up to a text from someone I put in my phone last night as "Giant Penis"
what did G.P. say?
oddly enough it was a dick pic
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
