dude, despite what happened last night, I'm not gay
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Who's got a bloodstream full of margaritas by 2pm? Not you, that's for sure, because you've got one of those "real" jobs.
Note to self: do not take so many shots that you sit on the floor under the bar where nobody can see you, and reach out and grab peoples crotch.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Randomize
