She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
His idea of a compliment is: 'you're cuter than your friend. If you both wanted a 3way I'd do it,but I'd pay more attention to you.'
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
I walked out ot my car in the morning thinking there was a sandwich I left there from yesterday. Then later that day I was checking the mail and saw the other side of my car :/
It concerns me the most that u were potentially going to eat a day old car sandwich.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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