I just need someone to hold me and tell me i dont turn boys gay
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
Wearing a french maid costume for Halloween sure did help me meet girls
Dude, they all thought you were gay.
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
