do you think it i'm gay because i was in a 3 way lastnight?
well not if you dont touch the other dude and concentrate on the chic
what chic?
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
A girl in McDonalds just asked if I was in here wasted a few nights ago throwing fries at the staff, I said it was my twin
We both know that wasn't me
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
how do do this?
do what? Keep standing? Choose between 2 guys?
keep making boys cry?
Randomize
