glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
We went to Denny's and he threatened to fight an entire high school track team by himself
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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