Life is so much better after having sex.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
