he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Those nachos came to me in a dream
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
