I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Tears do usually get me what I want. That and oral sex.
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
Excused from finishing the term project because my lab partner got arrested. For the second year in a row. Public school, I love you.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
I know he'd never cheat on me. It'd be like choosing Mexican tap water over Patron.
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
You were having sex very loudly, so I felt it necessary to blast the Thong Song, bust out the trusty old airhorn and walk in on you. MY BAD.
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
