I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
She kept looking at me and saying "you are the scary high".
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
Randomize
