just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
Studying for the exam.. Identifying the portraits using phrases like "large penis"
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
Randomize
