so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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