I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
We had sex after spending two hours in the drunk tank. It was really deep and meaningful
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
bad decision saturdays are such a good decision
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
she's sniffed three people's necks on the bus to see who the good smell was coming from...
she's gonna get diseases
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Randomize
