I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
