dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
