I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
And they have kittens that decided that boobs are apparently the best arena for king of the hill...
I'm glad the semester is over. I need a break from the term "whiskey sharts" coming up so much in conversation.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
And I broke things off with Justin last night. Except I texted him while he was asleep and then I was like well, that's probably not what he wants to wake up to, so I sent him a picture of the coconut I microwaved and caught on fire when I was really high one time.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
Randomize
