Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
It seems to me that once you begin comparing Jesus to hercules and calling him a super pimp you should put the wine away...
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
Sunday Funday has been cancelled indefinitely, due to lack of self control of all parties involved.
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Trying to find a card for this engagement party. Can't find one that says "you met each other 5 months ago, cant wait to get the popcorn out and watch this one fall apart"
I don't know if your celebrity crush has ever asked you for nudes, but it's fucking awesome
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
