Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
It's rum buckets o'clock
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
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