my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
She just kept saying "bless your heart" to him while he cried because he came so fast. I think a Texas woman was just what he needed
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
YOU DRINK NOW BECAUSE YOU ARE A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN WHO DOESN'T NEED A DRINKING PARTNER
Lol he touched my butt after his grad party and a shooting star went by. No kidding. My ass is mystical.
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
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