the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
Randomize
