Breakfast of vicodin and eggs out of a solo cup at about three in the afternoon on a wednesday...I have my life together
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
I'm fucking an ugly guy. Don't come home.
well now I have to
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Last time i carry you out of a forest
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
I'm pretty sure I have PMS because I almost just cried about not being able to find a place that gives acrobat classes here.
Randomize
