Why are you such a perv today?
This is a lot to handle
Oh shh
I'm kidding you prude take a joke
I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I must have had a great time last night.. I woke up with coconut oil all over my glasses
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I'm always down for nudity.
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