I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Just tried my new showerhead. Sex with Brian will never be the same.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
That little tingle vodka gives me in my esphagus is what lets me know I'm still alive.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
So she was amazing, that's what. Idk if it was the blow or the blowjob, but both my heads are still tingling.
Randomize
