If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
she sounds like chewbacca in bed
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
