that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
Frozen pudding on a popsicle stick. Bill Cosby would be so proud of drunk me.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
Her dog trainer Fuck buddy is over here again. She sounds like a squeaky toy and he talks to her like he talks to the dog. I CAN HEAR EVERYTHING!!!
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
