i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
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