Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
The cops just showed up and arrested her. It's our 2nd date. Do I have to hang out her with her 3 kids until she makes bail or can I leave?
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Way too stoned bro. Was laying down on my back and thought for a good 30 mins what it would be like to be a turtle stuck on its shell
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
