I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
My vagina just clenched in fear
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
Randomize
