PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
It feels like one of my ribs evaporated.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
