i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
I came and sneezed at the same time. Words can't describe how awesome it was.
Randomize
