I think i peed on brittanys purse
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
I don't want her to kill herself before she gets over me, getting mentioned in a suicide note isn't very fly.
but it's kind of a high honor.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Just witnessed a bar fight started by a guy wearing a construction vest cuz he didn't like the other guys shirt
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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