Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
Will you please bring your dog over today? Apparently I was drunkenly cooking last night. There's food everywhere. I'm too hungover to clean.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
The only thing I remember from last night is being naked in his bed if that's not summer drinking at it's finest then I don't wanna live anymore
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
No you just wanted to pass out in your hallway because your room was too far away
Randomize
